Of course, your partner thinks it’s always the perfect time, threatening you with everything from divorce to cancelling the sports package on your cable TV if you don’t do it. But now that the kids have effectively taken over your house, it’s probably as good a time as any. So how will you get rid of it? You’ve got a few options:
- Hide it in the garage/shed/bushes and hope to God your partner doesn’t find out.
- Hire a skip (a large metal bin designed to instantly lower the value of your house).
- Take it to the local rubbish tip/transfer station/whatever-they’re-calling-them-this-week and get rid of it yourself.
- Arrange for Brizzy Rubbish Removals to pick it all up for you and take it away.
Forget about the first option. Women can spot a mote of dust from across the room. Do you really think you’ll be able to hide a pile of rubbish from them?
We’ve already talked the perils of hiring a skip, so you should probably forget about that option as well. Besides, as soon as it’s delivered the kids will turn it into a cubby house.
So that leaves you with two options— get rid of it yourself or let Brizzy Rubbish Removals get rid of it for you. (There is another option, but the kids won’t let you play with their flamethrower.)
You might think doing it yourself is the better option, especially if you’ve been listening to video games at a hundred decibels all day. But before you don the protective gloves and grab the waste vouchers off the fridge, let’s see if you’re right.
First, you need to get all that rubbish into your car. Now even if what you’re throwing away isn’t too messy and won’t spill on the way, do you really want your car smelling like a dumpster? Okay, do you want it smelling even more like a dumpster?
That’s assuming you can fit it all in anyway. Like your partner’s shoe collection, rubbish expands to fill the space provided. And that would be fine if you didn’t have to get in the front seat to drive.
If your car has a towbar (the accessory that lets you take three layers of skin off your shin when you walk past it), you may be able to use a trailer instead. Providing you have a trailer. And a tarpaulin to cover your load. And enough rope to tie everything down. And a boy scout to tie the knots for you.
Now it’s time to take it all to the nearest rubbish tip, which shouldn’t be any more than an hour away by commercial jet. Unfortunately it’s a lot longer by road, especially when you’re driving the Junkmobile.
When you finally get there you’ll probably have to queue up behind every other person who’s taking a break from their kids. And once you’ve paid/handed over your waste vouchers it’s time to find a spot to dump it all. This is where you discover:
- you left your protective gloves at home
- a shovel would come in very handy right about now (or maybe that flamethrower)
- it might be easier to just dump the car and walk home.
After what seems like hours (but is probably much longer), it’s time to head home again. You may have left the rubbish tip, but it hasn’t left you and you get to experience the heady aroma all the way to the service station where you buy an entire forest of Alpine air fresheners to hang from the rear-view mirror.
Now, does that seem like the easier option to you?
How about you let Brizzy Rubbish Removals do it instead? They’ll pick up all the rubbish for you, load it into their truck, and take it all away. No messy car, no queuing up at the rubbish tip, and no being belted repeatedly in the head from swinging air fresheners.
Instead, you can spend some quality time with all the kids.
Asking if they have a TV at their house you can watch.